Oh the joys of a mathematical brain in a place where you're expected to think in words...

I find blogs interesting. There are so many different types: those that tell simply the story of one's day to day life, that share profound thoughts, that write reviews, that share photos.

My dilemma:

I would love to be a person that has profound thoughts.

My problem:

I don't have any profound thoughts.

Honestly, not a one. I'm sitting here this morning trying to think of something to write about. I have a blog, I might as well write. But all I can think of is my past couple of days. I can't think of anything profound, any deep thinking I've done recently, anything I've pondered. I don't know that I actually ponder.

In fact, I don't know that I ever really think at all.

It makes for a very interesting time at college. You see, I attend a Christian Liberal Arts College. We are encouraged to question, think, and mull over things in a "framework of faith". I hear people across campus talking, discussing and debating everything under the Sun. But I'm a physics major. I find that I do not have TIME to think over things other than my thermal homework, or my mechanics homework, or any other homework they see fit to assign. I feel like I go through my days, wake up, go to class, leave class, do homework, sometimes eat dinner, do more homework, then fall asleep. And when I am *forced* to take a core class, and they expect me to have opinions and to think about them all the time, I am completely lost.

I am currently enrolled in Christian Theology. This is one of those core classes that actually thinks that I think about things on a regular basis. But I am actually extremely excited for this class. I am hoping that it will make me think and consider things that I didn't know about before I came to college. I grew up in church, and already have theologies (if that is a word) ingrained in me that I don't even know about, beliefs that I don't realize I have because it has always just seemed a part of life, something everyone believed. Some are simple things and some are complex. But I am hopeful that this class will actually make me think and find what these beliefs are. I'm not looking for the class to change my perspective on anything, I just want to think for once. Thus, I am excited. But as excited as I am, I am also nervous. Nervous that I won't be able to verbalize what I'm thinking, that I won't be able to expound on my opinions and beliefs, and nervous that I just won't be able to keep up at the seminars.

Everyone at college seems to think all the time. They have opinions, they have beliefs, and they can tell them to you with great detail and reasoning at a moment's notice. In our fifteen person seminar, I am afraid I will be left speechless in the dust. I don't "expound" well, I don't have a natural way with words, and I really don't speak on cue. I end up not being able to think of the right word and sputtering to a stop. I wish that I could find some mathematical formula for what I'm trying to say, because numbers and variables always come so much easier to me. All in all, I'm worried about my participation grade in the class and my ability to participate in good conversations outside of the class.

I guess as far as that goes, I will be okay. I made it through my Great Conversations class, and I actually got a pretty good grade. And I think I've decided that my blog can be anything I want it to be. I'll just share me. And if that means my life, then it will be my life. And maybe this class will make me think, and I will have some profound thoughts to share with you all. Who knows?